Funny joke email forwards....

[Admin]

Not sure how many of you like joke email, so I decided to start a thread of some cute ones.

Please try to keep it relatively clean....

[Admin]

An Old Man, a Boy, and a Donkey.....

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.

As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!

Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, you might as well...

Kiss your a$$ good-bye.

[NUCC98]

Hmmm......this looks vaguely familiar..... ;D

[dberube]

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you
get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on
this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and
said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say,
what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The
greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The
pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The
engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate
with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts
degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer."
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers
believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you
are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get
some work done."

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If
you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and
put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a
week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said,
"Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking
frog, now that's cool."

[Admin]

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

[Admin]

There's no school on School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, no water on Water Street.

Back Bay streets are in alphabetical odda: Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth, etc.

So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc..

If the streets are named after trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you're on Beacon Hill. If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley.

Massachusetts Ave is Mass Ave, Commonwealth Ave is Comm Ave, South Boston is Southie.

The South End is the South End. Eastie is East Boston. The North End is east of the former West End. The West End and Scollay Square are no more, a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night.

Roxbury is The Bury, Jamaica Plain is JP, Savin Hill is Stabbin' Hill, Mattapan is Murda-pan.

Definitions:
Frappes have ice cream, milkshakes don't.
If it is fizzy and flavored, it's tonic.
Soda is CLUB SODA.
Pop is Dad.
When we want Tonic WATER, we will ask for Tonic WATER.

The smallest beer is a pint.

Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish. If you paid more than $6/pound, you got scrod.

It's not a water fountain; it's a bubblah.

It's not a trash can; it's a barrel.

It's not a shopping cart; it's a carriage.

It's not a purse; it's a pockabook.

They're not franks; they're haht dahgs.
Franks are money in France.

Police don't drive patrol units or black and whites they drive a crooza.

If you take the bus, your on the looza crooza

It's not a rubber band, its an elastic.

It's not a traffic circle, it's a rotary.

"Going to the islands" means Martha's Vineyard & Nantucket.

If something's good, its pissa' If something's really good, its wicked pissa'

The Pat's = The Patriots
The Sox = The Red Sox
The C's = The Celtics
The B's = The Bruins

Things not to do:

Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd ... they'll tow it to Meffa (Medford) or Slumaville (Somerville).

Don't sleep in the Common.

Don't wear Orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day

Things you should know:

There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two Hanthingy buildings (one old, one new for each).

The colored lights on top the old Hanthingy tell the weatha':

"Solid blue, clear view...."
"Flashing blue, clouds due...."
"Solid red, rain ahead...."
"Flashing red, snow instead...." (except in summer; flashing red means the Red Sox game was rained out)

Route 128 is also I-95 south. It's also I-93 north.

The underground train is not a subway. It's the "T" and it doesn't run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk)

Order the "cold tea" in China Town after 2:00 am & you'll get a kettle full of beer.

Bostonians...
...think that it's their God-given right to cut off someone in traffic.

....think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (noR's).

.....think that three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave

......refer to six inches of snow as a "dusting."

.....always "bang a left" as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.

.....say everything in town is "a five-minute walk."

....believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.

....think that 63-degree ocean water is warm.

.....think Rhode Island accents are annoying.

How to say:
Worcester: Wuhsta
Gloucester: Glawsta
Leicester: Lesta
Woburn: Wooban
Dedham: Dedim (like denim)
Revere: Re-vea
Norfolk: Nua-fuk
Quincy: Quinzee (or Quinky in some circles)


Our rules in Boston! HAVE A GREAT DAY!

[NUCC98]

This just in:

AP and UPI report that the French Government announced today that in light of the Madrid bombing, France has raised its terror alert level from "run"
to "hide." The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate."